Relapse

Drug addicts shouldn't hang out in Opium Dens.

Alcoholics shouldn't hang out in bars.

Food addicts shouldn't hang out in gas stations...or leave the house after 10pm....or pretend to be actors.

I had a brief taste of my pre-fatherhood lifestyle last night and it triggered some not so long buried bad habits.

My college roommate was in town filming a movie so I went to hangout on the set as a background actor. Much less glorious then it sounds. This is a no budget production.

I left the house at 10:15pm. Mistake number 1.

On the way I stopped at a Holiday gas station to get a big bottle of water. Mistake number 2.

As I walked passed the frozen treats cooler I couldn't resist my old friend Mr. Toll House Chocolate Chip Cookie Ice Cream Sandwich. For some reason picking up an Ice Cream sandwich made me decide I also needed some Ho Ho's.

When I got to the set, a movie theater in South Minneapolis, I was handed a large bucket of popcorn and told to stand around talking in the background for 2 hours. Mistake number 3.

Naturally, I started eating the popcorn. If I hadn't accidentally dropped the bucket on the floor I am sure I would have finished the whole thing.

I left the "set" around 1:30am with a craving for Wendy's French Fries, one of my late night staples back when I was doing a lot of theater. Mistake number 4.

Here is the really pathetic thing. I drove around for a half hour, twice going out of my way to find a Wendy's drive through that was open.

When I couldn't find an open drive through I got frustrated and returned to the same Holiday gas station, where I purchased a Peanut Butter Crispy Bar and, just for good measure, a package of Hostess Zingers. Mistake number 5!

Toll House Chocolate Chip Cookie Sandwich 500 Calories / 24 Grams of Fat
Hostess Ho Ho's 400 Calories / 15 Grams of Fat
Half A Bucket of Movie Theater Popcorn 225 Calories / 11 Grams of Fat
Peanut Butter Crispy Bar 290 Calories / 12 Grams of Fat
Hostess Zingers 440 Calories / 11 Grams of Fat

For a grand total of :
1855 Calories
73 Grams of Fat

Bad! Bad! Bad! I know...but here is the amazing thing. I don't feel guilty and I don't feel depressed.

I feel like crap with all that junk sitting in my stomach, but instead of wallowing in self-pity that could send me into a spiral of junk food binging, here is what I thought when I woke up this morning...

"Wow that was stupid! Well it's out of my system now. I really want to go for a run!"

This is nothing short of a miracle to me. A bender like this would usually send me off the deep end for the next month, but my first instinct is to exercise instead of eat more! This is a big break through.

I am not trying to put a positive spin on last nights pig out. It was a horrible thing to do to my body and a sure sign that my food addiction is alive and well. But.... and this is a big butt, I still feel like I am in control. This slip is not getting the best of me and that has me feeling pretty good this morning. Minus the bloated belly and extreme stomachache.

Tony
10/22: 225.4 lbs.
Goal: 220 lbs.
5.4 lbs. to go